Hollywood bound, baby by Buttermilk Johnson

Ever taste buttermilk, baby? Yeah, I didn't think so....you know it ain't yo' everyday thang off da' grocery store shelf. It's mo' about quality than quantity. Follow my flow and ya'll come to understandin' what I know, dig? Speakin' of shelves and food products yours-truly here you'sd to be gainfully employed at a great big supermarket. I was the seafood manager. One of the problems wit' the gig was this seafood shit was very expensive and the neighborhood well, let's just say that the Rock-A-Fella's weren't living up the road, knowhatyimsayinman? It was hard sell. Or rather a hard shell. Seashell that is. But that ain't important to what I'm trying to communicate to ya'll. So pay attention! That was what ya' might call background info. An ice breaker. Settin' up the lighting, the mood......

Now this ya' understand was my "daytime" gig while at night I boogied on till dawn with the band and my main axe, Sweet Mary O' Melody. I named her that. All that 24 hour activity made Ol' Buttermilk here kinda punchy sometimes. Teetering on the edge of morality, insanity and definitely makin' me flow with some mutherfuckin' profanity! Take that, bitch! In comes energy from all sides, good n' bad (Damm there's a song in there, gotz to remember that) and out it's got to flow someway. Can't hold onto that shit. It's like real shit. Same thing. Ever hear that song "Loose juice"? That tune talk the truff. "I got that loose juice, pour it all over you". Listen up Buttermilk talkin' now, fool! I don't mean to get all Zen on ya', mon, but listen that's the law of nature and there's no making amendments to that shit! Dig? What comes in, must go out. What goes up must come down. Simple shit when you think about it. Actaully, don't think about it just listen up! One of the ways I created outflow fo' mysell' at the supermarket was to get live on the intercom sys'em. Live on da' mic! 'Cuz I ain't all bashfull like some folk are. I'm a professional, dig? Ya' know, I was making announcements like "Don't fo'get to yer greens, 'cuz broccoli is only $2 a pound this week, so go awn n' git it while the gettin' good at the produce department. Mmm Mmm Mmm! C'mon, don't be shy now." It's all about attitude, enunciation and tone. Tone is very important. In fact I don't think I can stress tone enough. T-O-N-E. TONE! Howz that? Sheeee-yit! Now we cookin' with gas!

Anhywho, after making all kinds of crazy-ass announcements for awhile peoples gotz to know it was me and I was like a mimi-celebrity. I don't mean like I was small 'er nuthin', it's juss that I was still able to maintain a low profile when necessary 'cuz Buttermilk here sometimes has to move in mysterious ways. Tell ya'll 'bout that bullshit some other time. Still, often was the case that some lil' ol' black lady would come up to me and say some ting' like this- "Is that you on the loudspeaker? I thought so...MMmmm....you good! Oh yeah indeed! Are you an entertainer? Well, you should be! What are you doing here? You should move to Hollywood! Such a big voice for a little man! Hey, Mildred, this is the man I was telling you about. He the one talkin' 'bout the pokechops".

Even though I seemed the humble fishman, deep down I knew. I knew that I rocked and after hearing this shit day in and day out it made me happy and sad at the same time. See Buttermilk is in touch with his creative juices and I was startin to wonder if I was wasting my time fondling the salmon an amusing yo' Grandma instead of burning down the house with my wit, my God-given charm, my musical madness and expertise in human observation that add up to make me the all-around in-yo'-face funkster that I is! I was a fo' sure triple threat - funny man, musician and thespianman. Maybe even more but what do you call that? See Buttermilk is very, how you say, multidimensional. Woah, look that mutherfucker up in the scrabble book, see how many points that 's worth! Damm straight! Perhaps all those peoples were right after all. How could I deny the public what they want? What they need! They want Buttermilk Johnson! What they need is Buttermilk Johnson! I began really thinking - Hollywood. At first it sounded kinda funny. Hollywood......Left a fonky flava in my mouth. Hollywood. Maybe it suppoze to do that?

I don't want to bore ya'll wit the details so let's just say - next thing you know Buttermilk is Hollywood bound. All I had to do was get across this fair land on Interstate 40 and every little thing gonna be allllllll-right. I travel light just in case of sucha an emergency anyway. See, I got friends in high places all around. I m' bad, I'm nationwide and I'm even bi-coastal if ya' wanna get all PC about it. My main LA connection, Doghouse Allen, well wouldn'tcha know, he has a spot for me on his brand new couch, next to the dog. That may sound low-class 'er summin' to ya' but lemmie tell you it was a flufffy dog. Did I mention it was a new couch? Just seeing if you keeping up with Buttermilk here. 'Cuz ya'll know'd that a new couch needs to be broken in like a new pair o' jeans, or a new love interest or a nice cool new set of strings on my guitar, Sweet Mary O' Melody. Don't get me to talkin 'bout her! So it's a lil' bit hard at first, but there's no time to whine, I got to hit the street before my wallet deplete and I ain't gwine cut no mo' fish! I gotta get a new bag that wont be taking up so much of my creative time and leave me all stinkin' no matter how hard I scrub! Lemonjuice my ass!!!! I didn't come all the way here for that shit! Yeah....gotta get with this California flow - sunshine, palm trees, warm breezes, oh yeah! Are ya' with me? I said "ARE YA' WITH ME?" MMmm-Hmmm.

So ya' see I'm trying to keep my nose clean and keep my feet to the beat of the scene in Hollywood and so far Buttermilk is feeling right at home. I could get kinda crazy here though. You know how the story goes about Ol' Hollywood......womenz, booze, parties, hangers-oners, unusal circumstances and compromising postitions.......what would Mildred say then? Can't let my head get all big n' shit. Stay focused on the big picture! All I know is I'm doing like the old folk told me - "Get it on while yo' young, son!" "Keep on moving, now" "What you doin here anyway?". If I ain't suppozed to be there then I must suppoze to be here, right? Guess I ain't gwine back to the supermarket job. Never did give notice. But that doesn't matter none 'cuz Buttermilk down with the new flow. "I got that loose juice, pour it all over oyu!" OWwww!!! Me and Doghouse are gonna rock da house!! Can't let the old ladies down. No Sir! No Ma'am!

I've only been in town a week or so I'll be back with an update 'cuz I know ya'll look forward to my flow to brighten yer day now that I'm fully down in a Hollywood way. I know ya'll know about Hollywood Boulvard but there actually is a Hollywood Way as well. Yeah, see what I mean? But don't worry, I ain't going all Joe-Hollywood on ya', just here to turn your gray skies blue, put some pep in yer shoe. Did ya' see that? Right there. What just happened. That lil' taste of the juice.... of the flow. That's why I'm in Hollywood, baby!