I BELIEVE by Chaz Rentgrade

You know how it goes people, your new in town, and the air seems to smell all different. Now don't just take my word for it, though, 'cuz believe me you got to go out and smell for yourself. Can't always be taking other peoples opinions, "Sure smells different here, don't it, Earl?". No way! N' that's exactly what I do. Smell for myself. I'm down deep in Georgia, hoss, and the air is thick. Plenty o' funky smells to decipher. So it's onward with the nite, 'cuz Chaz here loves the nitelife. Well, the next thing I know, or want to know, is that the live, actual sonic vibrations of molecular movements in certain harmonic and rhythmic episodes that we call sweet music was caressing my ear. Enticing The Dance! "Well, Hello..." I say, feeling good, like the stranger in town I am, fresh off the highway ready to sample the wares of the nite. "That'll be $5" grunts "Louise" the non-effervescent doorgal. Huh! Some folks just don't know when life is A-Hap-a-NIN' to 'em! It don't confront me none though! Make way!!

The set was just ending of the rare-fried blugrass/boogie I was hearing from the outside that made me wanna come inside! Damm! What could be next I wondered? I was open and willing. The patrons were informed by the MC, Heidi, that it is now time for the main event, "The Songwriters Circle of Muse - A quest for freedom, love and the truth through music". Wow! That was a mouthful! Quickly I realized there was a theme here, an unadvertised one at that. It seemed, coincidentally, that every act was a lesbian duo. Not two, three, but all twelve! So much for variety. Some were really quite good, but, hey, after a while well, I guess I just done got bored and started ordering some tequila shots. I had to keep my energy inside, though, 'cuz there was ABSOULTY NO TALKING during a performance. No whooping or hollaring either, neither or nieghther!

Well, remember how I said I was new in town and just really getting out n' about, seeing in who's in town n' what's going on down n' whit-not whozy-whatzee....? Right. So there's no need to stay all nite. Right? There's plenty to see! Gotz tae find freedom, love, The Truth and my muse so I can be ammused! I sure as hell ain't finding it here! OWwwwww! Hop back into Ol' Bertha, The Truck and jam the tunes, my man! Now when I'm new in town the 1st thing I do as I hit city limits is find the oldies station. Every town has one. Then I can relax and figure out where I'm going 'cuz Smokey keeping things in perspective, "I second that emotion..". Yeah.

But sometimes the DJ will hit you with something that'll git that leg pumpin' and then you got to watch! Oh yeah, "Suspicious minds", Aah, The King. Nice breeze, nice buzz, open highway. Let 'er roll on....N' TURN IT UP!!! "I'm caught in a trap!..." Boom-Bap-Da-Da-Da-Di-Boom-Wham-Whomp!!!!!

WOAH! Come on now! How can this be? The cherries of doom? Be cool! Don't lose your cool! DON'T LOSE YER COOL! Officer wants to know why I am speeding? Speeding? Who me? 60 in a 45? How can this be? I mean it wasn't like I was listening to ZZ Top! Man, I got a lot of points on my license. I remark on the "openness" of the neighborhood and claim ignorance to the area and the speed limits n' all which he deftly follows with "Just why are you here anyway? Where do you live? Kinda far isn't it? Hmmm...out of state plates. Where are coming from? Where are you going? Have you been drinking? You seem nervous. Step out of the car, please. What do you have to say for yourself?".

At that moment folks, it was make it or break it! The evening flashed before my eyes. Suddenly my muse was in order, my love for The King realized and now The Truth was about to set me free!!!! I said "Officer, I'm really sorry, but I was listening to The King, ya' know? "Suspicious minds"? I guess I was just so...overcome!". He said "Wait right here". He went to his car an left me standing at the side of the crossroads for about 5 minutes or so. He came back and said "Mr. Rentgrade, if indeed you are Mr. Rentgrade, you are a lucky man tonite because the love of The King saved you. Thank The Lord! The reason I know this is I was listening to that station as well and I just got a fresh Krispy Kreme and....well, you know what I mean! Now I suggest you get back to wherever you're from, quickly...but don't speed!".

See, freedom came my way all because I BELIEVED in the powers of The King, the truth and the NITE. Those hot sticky nites in Georgia.....always follow your nose 'cuz it knows. Still, that was a close one, dudes n' dudettes.

Laterz